overcomeHER Power Booster of the month
“What’s love got to do with it?”-Tina Turner
Wedding season is fastly approaching and when you say yes to a proposal, it is so easy to be swept away in a bubble of romance. However, avoiding tough conversations before the “I do” can lead to discomfort, distance, and the biggest D word…DIVORCE. Here is a list of questions you and your partner should discuss before getting married. Although the questions are not divorce-proof, they do provide a level of transparency.
8. Do you and your partner want children? If so, how many?
Don’t ever assume that your partner wants a child. Having this conversation with your partner is so important. Determine what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not willing to. The biggest thing is marrying your partner for who they are and what they think currently, not what they might become or think about later.
7. How do you communicate when you are hurt?
Do you shut down and enforce the silent treatment or are you the person that has to talk about the problem immediately? People respond in various ways when they are hurt. Identifying their emotions can become extremely difficult if they are not asking the right questions. “What is the root of why I am feeling this way?” are the thoughts one should ponder upon before communicating their thoughts. Working out how to communicate with each other can help diffuse anxiety and assumptions within a relationship. The longer you keep it in your heart the further away you all will feel from each other.
6. Where my girls at?
Just because you’re becoming one doesn’t mean you can’t have friends. Discuss with your partner about how often you all feel like you should hang out with your friends. Maybe go on some dates with other couples as well. A strong marriage shouldn’t be an island. It should be surrounded by loved ones that will support you two through the good and bad times.
5. What are your religious backgrounds? What religion would you like your children to practice?
This topic becomes more important when you start to have children but should be discussed before. I have seen couples who have different beliefs work out and I have seen the opposite. Honestly, this is all about communication. Talk with your partner about your beliefs growing up and your current beliefs. If it is a deal breaker to raise your child the way you grew up then let your partner know.
4. What are your expectations for marriage?
The primary reason why people divorce is not sex, financial issues, or infidelity but unmet expectations. Expectations can be the dark cloud that swarms over marriages if you and your partner haven’t clearly talked about them. Have a conversation about what you think a marriage should look like. What are your roles and responsibilities? Talking about expectations is key because no one can read the other person’s mind. We cannot expect our partner to act a certain way simply because “they should know”, assume they do not know and just clearly communicate.
3. What is your relationship with your future in-laws?
Marriage is two families joining as one. Having a good relationship with your in-laws can be so beneficial and less drama when you have children.
2. Who gets the T.V. when they get off of work?
This question essentially focuses on how you wind down after work. If you’re the “don’t say anything to me until I have my glass of wine” type of person then communicate this to your partner.
1.“The more you do separate, the closer you are to separation.”
This statement does not mean do everything together as a couple, but always doing things separately can decrease intimacy. When spending quality time, actually talk to one another. “Netflix and chill” are great on some days but this should not be you and your partner’s only way of connecting.
Monthly Boost Yourself Challenge
The items on this list are not ranked by importance. We hope that after reading this article you and your partner begin to engage in serious dialogue that will create a closer union. Challenge yourself this month by actually asking these questions with your partner and let us know how it went!
Let us hold you accountable! Post your completed challenge using #OHboostyourself